Inside Grubtown

There's lots of heroes of Grubtown. Of course, Grubtown is the real hero - these are Grubtown Tales, of course, but there are some very important people, too. Here are some:

Beardy Ardagh
Beardy Ardagh, Grubtown resident and author of Grubtown tales has the biggest and bushiest beard in Grubtown, much bigger and bushier than Paltry Feedback's. Beardy Ardagh sports a natural or 'freestyle' beard which, when left to its own devices, always rates much better than a styled beard or handlebar moustache like the kind Paltry Feedback wears.
 

Jilly Cheeter
Young Jilly Cheeter, Grubtown's resident duck-gatherer plays her part in many Grubtown tales. She's very good friends of, and has adventures with...
 
 

Mango Claptrap
... who wears ridiculously short shorts. In fact, they're so short that some people -- Wide Brim Petty-Mandrake for one -- think that they're too short to be called shorts. Mango also has a very large head but DESPITE having such a large head, he once found a diamond as big as it!!!
 

(Mayor) Flabby Gomez
Beardy Ardagh was once trapped in a cake shop with Flabby Gomez and apparently it was a very pleasant experience. Flabby Gomez owns Grubtown. He won it in a raffle from Big Man Gomez who owned it before him. (Flabby’s brother, Hacking-Cough Gomez, won a tea set with two missing saucers and a cracked sugar bowl.) Flabby Gomez’s official title is ‘Mr Mayor’ if you're talking to him on official business. (If he steals your prize vegetables, however, it’s still perfectly okay to call him ‘Oi, you!’ or ‘Dirty rotten thief!’ and to chuck a marrow at the back of his head as he runs away.)
 

Grabby Hanson
Kumquat Hanson was given the nickname ‘Grabby’ as a child because, from the moment he was born, he grabbed anything and everything in sight: a toy; a baby from a pram; a TV remote from an armchair; an owl from a hollow tree; even radioactive waste from a secret government underground dumping ground. He’s the best COP (Chief of Police) we’ve ever had in Grubtown, with the highest crime clear-up rate, because he understands the criminal mind inside out. I bet you can’t guess why.
 

Mrs Awning
Mrs Awning is Grubtown’s accident-waiting-to-happen, first name unknown. She’s very good at having accidents. These include: pulling her handbag over her head – like a gasmask – and then falling down a well, because she couldn't see where she was going. She's had her head stuck in litter bins countless times, and was once trapped for six hours between two ducks. Ducks!
 

Constable Gelatine
Confusingly, Constable Gelatine is a sergeant. The ‘Constable’ part is just his name. It’s a good job he wanted to be a policeman, though! He's related to Mustard Tripwire, who's also an officer of the law, and ably assists Chief of Police Kumquat 'Grabby' Hanson.

Garlic Hamper
Garlic Hamper isn't a hamper and he doesn't smell of garlic (just smoked fish). He's Grubtown's lighthouse keeper and has been for at least the last thirty-three years. As well as looking after the lighthouse, he makes matchstick models and other does things too, as you'll well know if you've read THE FAR FROM GREAT ESCAPE.
 

Tawdry Hipbone (and Snooks, her pampered pooch)
Movie star Tawdry Hipbone – Have you seen her in For the Love of Ducks II? She was VERY good in that – has a very special relationship with Snooks. A very close one. It is not a coincidence that Snooks looks like a wig. Or that Miss Hipbone’s hair looks like, well, Snooks...
 

The Grumbly girls the seven Grumbly daughters
Hacking-Cough Gomez the mayor’s brother
Big Man Gomez the mayor’s dead dad
Pritt Gomez the mayor’s wife
Tundra Gomez the mayor’s son and heir
Formal Dripping official village idiot for the nearby village of Werty
Derek, Bunty, Shaun, Mantle, Fastbuck & Garrideb Fox the duck-hating Fox family of humans (not foxes)
Rambo Sanskrit council job-giver-outer
Sonia Pipkin local builder
The troll inhabitant of Beardy Ardagh’s airing cupboard
Minty Glibb owner of Minty’s Cake Shop
Mickey ‘Steamroller’ Johnson doughnut-loving steamroller driver
Leggy Prune the future Mrs Johnson
Mrs Johnson the former Leggy Prune
Mustard Tripwire an officer of the law and Gelatine’s nephew
Galaxy Tripwire a train driver and former beauty queen
Relish Tripwire a tropical fish salesperson
Informative Boothe a very knowledgeable chap
Hobo Browne a gentleman of the road/smelly tramp
Camshaft Thrift owner of The Rusty Dolphin Cafe
Farflung Heaps self-appointed leader of an angry mob
Shoona Loose the world-famous singer who does a lot for animal charities
Luminous Shard bald heckler and mechanic
Carlo Monte the riverboat gambler
Lefty Scorn proprietor of Scorn’s Laundrette & Jeweller’s
Acrid Scorn an irresponsible dumper of hazardous waste
Jip the town pelican (official mascot)
Marley Gripe a painter of signs
Dr Fraud a pretend doctor (but he’s cheap)
Sloop Cheeter Jilly’s dad
Harvey the Cheeter family dog
Furl Claptrap Mango’s dad
Carport Claptrap Mango’s mum
Vestige Claptrap Mango’s brother
Claws their cat
Partial Coggs Grubtown’s resident artist
Slackjaw Gumshoe paint & hardware store owner
Purple Outing very rich owner of Purple Outing’s Music Shack
Hind-Leg Outing amongst other things, mother of Purple’s vast number of children
Wide Brim Petty-Mandrake a regular complainer
Hetty Glue-Pen cinema manager and projectionist
Condo Blotch former cleaner now head of her very own keep-fit and health-food empire
Emily Blotch Condo’s daughter
Free-Kick leader of the escaped lab rats
Lulu Free-Kick’s mate for life
Hardfast Tendril Grubtown’s chief forester
Paltry Feedback a printer and cake decorator
Careworn Wormwood nine-day king of Grubtown
Glowering Silt general manager of Fettle’s hotel
Avid Folklore manager of Fettle’s hotel
Chevvy Offal owner of Offal’s Sunbeds
Premix Stipend victim of one of Offal’s sunbeds
Pageant Conquest food-maker (and Grabby Hanson’s sister)
Mossy Edging a very fair judge who doesn’t take bribes that often
Hybrid Byword the (now dead) TV chef
Limbo Goulash an office worker
Clam Wretching founder of Wretching’s Dairy
Barton Wretching her son and current owner of the dairy